Noise

One of our kids screamed for almost an hour straight today. I am not exaggerating even a little bit. I am talking full on, relentless, non-stop screaming. Sometimes it was a high pitched "I'm so angry there are no words" scream. Sometimes she was screaming "I don't want to get dressed" over and over. Sometimes she was just wailing. But it. Was. Continuous.

It is really hard to focus on anything with that level of noise in the background. Add to that the normal chatter and play of everyday (today the play was "cavemen" featuring a very loud and convincing 10 year old as head caveman, complete with his own homemade spear), frequent requests for everything under the sun, reminders to do school work and jobs, keeping up with my own to-do's. It's a lot for one brain.

Eventually, she stopped screaming. And she did get dressed. But she sort of set the tone for the rest of the day. The whole day was just kind of loud and crazy.

Some days are just like that. And they're hard... especially for someone like me, who is highly introverted. Days like this are just completely draining. I get towards the end and it's like, if one more person talks to me, I will just die.

But it got me to thinking about how the noise of life gets in the way of my relationship with God. Or, I let it get in the way, anyway. I don't necessarily mean literal noise, like my screaming, squealing, grunting cavemen kids. But all the things that stress us out or weigh us down. All the things that occupy space in our brains, like what we need from the store, what we're going to eat for dinner, who needs to be where and at what time, et cetera, et cetera. This list could go on forever. Sometimes we let all that stuff get in-between us and God.

I started my day with prayer. And I did my Bible reading during quiet time and after the kids went to bed. But I didn't really feel connected to any of it. And God feels kind of far away right now. But is it just me?

I had a hard day and I'm tired. I'm feeling kind of down and I think my first instinct, or maybe it is a habit now, is to turn inward and brood, to just check out.

So, I went through the motions of praying and reading the Bible, but was I only doing it halfheartedly?

Seek ye first the kingdom of God. This was in my reading today and it keeps going through my head as I write. It's really easy, in the busyness of everyday life, with all the people and things we are responsible to and for, to turn our hearts from God and lose sight of him.

Instead of seeking God, I seek out solutions to various problems. I seek out better schedules, better food, better parenting practices. I seek out more quiet, more solitude. Sometimes I seek escape.  And it's just an endless cycle, never getting better.

But if I remember to seek God first, then I can just rest... because it is in God that I can find hope and peace.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6:33

"My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber." -Psalm 121: 2-3

God's mercy and grace today is that I can start over right now. That although I am not perfect, I can still be worthy.