Fear and Anxiety

Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I am filled with worry for my kids. This happens more often now as they are getting older. I stopped watching the news regularly when my oldest was a baby, because it seemed like I only ever heard stories about terrible things happening to kids. But the terrible things are still out there, whether I watch the news or not, and I still have to hear about them, and they fill me with fear.

Back in the fall when we were camping in Alabama, phones not set to silent started going off in the middle of the night: Amber alert. A little girl had gone missing. She was in the news the next day. And a few weeks later I read that she had been found in a dumpster. She was only 3.

I am part of a parenting group on Facebook that is made up mostly of foster and adoptive parents. Parents post everyday, seeking advice and help for different situations with their kids. These parents have seen and dealt with unimaginable things, repercussions from the trauma their kids have experienced. Sometimes a parent will share something truly disturbing and it stays in your head and makes you wonder. How can you even deal with that? How can everyone survive this? How can these kids, this family, ever be okay? What if this happened in my family?

It is a scary world out there and to me, gets scarier every day as my kids creep closer and closer to being out there in it. And those questions sometimes keep me awake at night. I begin to imagine all the horrible things that could happen and I start to panic. How can I protect them? How can I make sure this or that never happens?

This happened to me the other night. I was just lying in bed, silently freaking out, my mind racing, stomach feeling a little queasy.

The truth is... I can't protect them from everything. I hate that, but it's true. Sure, there are precautions a parent can take, some things you could do. But none of it is a guarantee.

One of the hardest things for me in my journey towards God, was realizing that nothing in my life belongs to me. It all belongs to God. And even though it all belongs to him, I still have to loosen my clutch and give everything to God. My husband was the first person to talk to me about this. He said he gave everything to God except this one thing that was his, this one secret thing he wanted to hold onto. But until he gave that one last thing up, nothing could really be right. God couldn't do the work he needed to do, until Husband had given him everything.

I had a sneaking suspicion that my thing that I tried to hold onto might be my kids.

One of my favorite authors/speakers, Cindy Rollins (mother of 9) says: "Part of the sanctification of motherhood is learning to trust God with our children."

This is hard, I think especially for mothers because we tend to think we can't trust anyone but ourselves to do things right. And also, realizing that we are not in control, is terrifying.

When I feel that terror, that panic, rising... I am learning to pray about it. I am only lately realizing how important prayer is. I used to not be able to understand people when they talked about praying before they made decisions, or about reaching out to other people to pray for them. But the more I pray, the more I see how vital it is. I begin to understand how life-changing it can be.

Last night, when I was feeling anxious, a Psalm came to mind. Psalm 37. I probably have read it sometime in the past, but I had no actual memory of reading it or any of the words. But it had been mentioned in a book I'm reading. All they said about it was that the first two words contained a sermon by themselves. So, because I had no other place to start, I decided to look it up.

And of course. Of course.

Summed up and very condensed, Psalm 37 tells us:

"Fret not...

Trust in the Lord...

Delight thyself also in the Lord...

Commit thy way unto the Lord...

Rest in the Lord."

Don't worry, trust God, delight in Him, commit to Him, REST in Him. Psalm 37 is actually kind of long and says a lot, but that was what I needed for now.

It's hard not to worry, so I pray to God to take away my worry and my anxiety. I ask him for help to give him all the things in my life, especially my kids. And do you know what usually happens?

Peace that surpasses all understanding.

God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:2). I am not completely helpless, so with the power I do have here on earth, and with love, and a sound mind to make good decisions, arm myself and my children with knowledge, I can do my best to protect my children. And the rest I can give to God and trust him.

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6,7