Whithersoever Thou Goest

Today was hard. Like, the kind of hard that has you walking around with a lump in your throat and crying on the living room floor when it’s finally over. The kind of day that has you convinced you can’t do this, you’re the worst, you’re a terrible mother. I tried to draw strength from somewhere, but I was drawing from an empty cup.

Turn it upside down and shake it, not a drop would come out.

And I realized... I’ve been focusing on my health, what I eat, how I’m sleeping, taking care of my body and my mind. I've been trying to focus on relationships and connecting and speaking love to my kids and my husband (failed at this today - it felt like every word that came out of my mouth was venom).

Meanwhile, I’m not taking care of my Spirit. And if you aren't taking care of your Spirit, well, everything else is bound to fall apart. I’ve been going through the motions of reading my Bible every day, trying to get in a whole prayer before I fall asleep at night, but I haven't really been talking to God and I haven't really been sitting still long enough to listen for Him.

So here I am again. Wandering around in the wilderness. Because people never learn. 

I'm sitting here wondering how I can get up and do this all again tomorrow. And God whispers, "Ask me."

"...for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." - Joshua 1:9

I heard Him earlier in a song that I had never heard before. I started crying at this part:

"Allow Me to introduce Myself again

I was with you every place you've ever been

I'm the One that held you when you couldn't stand

If you're wondering who can heal your brokenness, I can

I can"

-House On A Hill, Amanda Cook

He is with me. All I have to do is remember that my strength doesn't come from me, it comes from Him. All I have to do is ask. And I can face the challenges of tomorrow, and more importantly, I can be open to seeing the beauty in all this mess, which is something I can't do when I'm stuck inside my own head, wallowing around in my miry pit.