Here's where I stand with my personal goals: I haven't written every day, but I have written something most days. I have done my new face care routine at least once a day, but most days not the recommended twice. I have noticed some lightening of my shingles scars, but these big ole bags under my eyes aren't going anywhere yet. Who's surprised, really? I've been perpetually sleep deprived for almost 12 years (no one tells you that some 2/3/4 year olds wake up more often at night than infants or that some kids will always rise at the butt crack of dawn and expect you to be as ready to party as they are). The bags are here to stay.
However, I have diligently spent time praying and reading the Bible every single day! And it has made a world of difference. Did everything I believed to be wrong in my life get fixed? No. Was every day perfect? NOPE. Was I magically the epitome of mother? Haha, no.
But I was able to have hope (even if just a tiny thread) and keep looking forward (or skyward from the bottom of the pit) on some really hard days, when before, I might have just gone back to bed in the middle of the day and cried myself into a nap. Or I might have stayed stuck in a dark stupor for days or weeks. I was able to take my worries and anxieties and lay them at Jesus' feet and know that he and God can handle it, when before I would have tried to "handle" it all by myself, all the way to a burnout.
By looking to God first, I have been able to order my days a little bit better, and to live a little closer to the way he is calling me to live.
And that's the goal, right?
I got the tip to pray Psalm 143:8 first thing in the morning from a book I'm reading, Hello Mornings by Kat Lee. It is really the perfect prayer to start the day with.
"Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee."
I don't just pray it in the morning, either. Sometimes, I find myself using it as a breath prayer (deep breath in, first line, breathe out, second line, and so on - good for calming down). Sometimes, when I don't know what else to say, I'll just pray a piece of it: I lift up my soul to you, I lift up my soul to you, I lift up my soul to you. And trust that the Holy Spirit will take care of the rest.
It goes hand in hand with another piece of scripture I like to pray:
"Thy will be done."
Not my will, but God's.
Father Tim, a character from one of my favorite book series (the Mitford books), calls that "the prayer that never fails."
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