Praying is a really foreign thing to me. I remember when we were kids and my parents went through a churchy phase. Sometimes they made us pray out loud together and when it was my turn I had no idea what to say, so I would make a long list of thank yous. Think: "Dear God, thank you for this day, and the trees... and food... and my clothes... and grass. Ummm, in Jesus name I pray, amen." Awkward, right? So, pretty much I didn't pray for like 20 years after that. Except sometimes in complete and total desperation, but even then not really, because I was pretty sure that God was frowning down at me for being such a hypocrite.
But lately I've been trying something new... It's more like talking to God. I've heard people do this. Husband has talked to me about it before. So, I thought I would give it a shot. On walks, in the shower, in the car... I've been trying my hand at starting a conversation with the Almighty. It feels really weird to me. And I'm basically always approaching it like, "Well, God, if you really are out there... If you can hear me right now..." I had a feeling I was going about it all wrong, but what do I know about talking to God?
This morning I was reading and decided to look up some mentioned verses. The first one was James 1:27 and I thought to myself Isn't that the orphans and widows one that everyone always uses when they talk about adopting? So, I looked it up and I don't know if that was the one I was thinking of, but I decided to read the beginning of James to get some direction and see where verse 27 was coming from. And as I read the words, I just knew that God was calling me out. He knows how doubtful I've remained and that I've been reluctant to put my faith in Him. I've been coming at Him halfheartedly, sort of hopeful, but not quite believing. He was saying, "I see you, Sarah! I got your number! YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THIS!" Just kidding about that last part. Maybe.
I have to say, I was more than a little amazed. Nothing like this had ever happened to me. Did He really just do that?
I think it's called Rhema when you actually see/hear God while you're reading the Word or listening to preaching and it happened to me a lot this summer...but sort of dried up when I started ignoring it so I could justify doing something I knew he wasn't pleased with.
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