Earnest of the Spirit

Yesterday, I left the house for a spontaneous afternoon outing feeling pretty anxious. You know that feeling in the bottom of your stomach when you're worried about how something will turn out? I tried to talk to God in the car, which is kind of hard to do over the clamor of young people and music. I tried to say, I trust you with us. But it was really hard to tell if that was true. I wanted it to be true, so I was trying really hard to let go.

Here is the thing about wants. Sometimes you want something so bad, you can rationalize it no matter what. Sometimes, it is nearly impossible to tell the difference between what I desire and what is right.

Fleetingly, I thought of that verse in Matthew: Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. But I shook my head because it's not like a person can just turn off their worry. Right?

Then I started humming that praise song from my long ago days of church camp: Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from heaven above with wisdom, power and love... And I honed in on wisdom. He is wise. He knows so much more than me. I have to give this to Him. I can't control it anyway. It's completely out of my hands. And He loves me. I've seen that now. Whatever happens will be right.

No joke, right after this, I reached out and switched the radio to a praise station. Which I have done all of NEVER. I knew about this station, though, because Riley stumbled across it a while back and likes to listen to it in her bedroom, singing along to the "Jesus songs." Listening to one or two songs did calm me down some more and then I had to change the station because the Boy Bands for Jesus vibe was a little too bizarre for me.

A while later, as I watched the three big kids laugh and play at a splash pad with a bunch of other kids, peace settled over me.

Some things that stood out to me in my reading:

"Now he which stablisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us is God; 

Who hath also sealed us, and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts." 

2 Corinthians 1:21-22

"But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." 

Hebrews 11:6