More than conquerors.

When I got to the end of writing my post last night, I was a little dumbfounded. A little bit overcome with emotion and gratitude. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry or to jump up and down and shout.

I cannot always see the ways in which God has his hands on my life. In fact, I would say that I can hardly ever see it, rather I am operating mostly on blind faith and hope. But as I was writing last night, and my brain was sifting and working through my thoughts, I caught a glimpse. There was the briefest, fleeting kind of clarity. I could see how God had covered me. I, who am less than the least of all the saints.

I don't think that being covered by God means that he shields us from pain or difficulty or from terrible things. I think he gives us what we need to survive the pain and terrible things, so that we are not torn down completely, but can rise up and become something greater than we were.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:35-39

Sometimes I do feel like I am being killed all the day long.

But God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. So. Not today, Satan.

Beset

I have lived most of my life thinking I just am what I am. That's a weird statement. Let me try to explain. I think of myself as a decent person. Not perfect, but you know, pretty good. I've always considered myself to have a strong moral compass, a deep sense of right and wrong. In general, I make pretty good decisions (obviously we can't win 'em all). And one of my greatest strengths, in my own opinion, has always been resilience. I might go down, but I don't stay there.

I always thought these things were just a part of who I am, inherently. The way I actually used to think of it was that I was this way "all by myself." I did not attribute any of my qualities (good or bad) to God or anyone else. Not even myself, really. I was just born this way.

And that may be partially true. I now know that everyone is born with their own unique personality and temperament. (There are, of course, innumerable ways experiences and circumstances can affect us as we grow, but that's a whole other thing.) It's there from the beginning: we're whole people as soon as we're born.

But I also now know that I have a creator, and I wasn't just born this way, but I was made this way.

So it was never me, it was God. I was never anything "all by myself." God was always with me, even when I didn't know it, or couldn't see it, or chose not to believe it.

Thou hast beset me behind and before. The "archaic" definition of beset is "be covered with." He covered me behind (in the past) and before (in front of = the future). I was and am covered with and by God.

"O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.

Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.

Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me." - Psalm 139:1-5

"Give thanks: for his mercy endureth forever!" - Psalm 136 (Exclamation point mine. It needed to be said with feeling!)

"For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.

For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's." -Romans 14:7-8