We Are All Cathedrals

"Today was the kind of day where I could not see the cathedral through the rubble, could not even imagine it or picture it in my mind. It was the kind of day that convinces you this pile of stones will never even be a cathedral, but maybe a tomb instead."

I said that in the last post I wrote, 3 years ago. I remember that day. It's funny because in hindsight, that day was crazy and overwhelming but not necessarily bad. I've had many, many more days like it since then, and many days that were much worse.

Later in that post I say that I know I will be able to look back someday and see the work God is doing. I have not reached that distant point yet. I know that He is doing work. I think that I was right about the cathedral being me, that He is shaping me to be something more than I was before, more than I am right now, more than I can comprehend or imagine. He is using my circumstances to chisel away at parts of me, to build up other parts, to make me into something wholly different. (Something holy?)

Perhaps I can't see it because I am too close. But I have to believe it.

In the last three years, I almost lost myself. I almost drowned in my own life. 2019, in particular, has been a difficult year.

(I love this meme! It is basically a picture of my soul as I limp to the New Year.)

There were days when I didn't think my marriage would survive. I didn't think I would survive. I thought for sure I would irreparably damage my children (still a possibility). But when I remember to focus on God and not myself, I begin to feel more hopeful.

Jesus tells us that in Him, we might have peace. "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) (emphasis mine)

Be of good cheer! I love that he says that. Easier said than done sometimes, trust me I know. But remember, He gives power to the faint. (Isaiah 40:29) And know "that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) That means even the bad things.

Cathedrals

"We are doing the small, difficult tasks day by day, one stone at a time. The cathedral builders toiled for years of their lives without knowing whether they would see the finished cathedral - the holy place to which they had given their lives. A homeschooling mother acts on similar faith - adding one small brick at a time - wondering if it makes a difference, if anyone will ever notice, if those small quotidian tasks will ever add up in a meaningful way." - Sarah Mackenzie, Teaching from Rest

 Today was the kind of day where I could not see the cathedral through the rubble, could not even imagine it or picture it in my mind. It was the kind of day that convinces you this pile of stones will never even be a cathedral, but maybe a tomb instead.

You're thinking,"Wow, that's kind of dark," or "Aren't you being a little dramatic, Sarah?" I'm telling you, it was one of those days.

I even hid in the laundry room and cried.

It's over now. I'm the only one left awake in the house and I want to be hopeful. I know in a couple of months or years I will be able to look back and see the work that God is doing. He is cleansing and sanctifying and shaping me through my kids. Through the hard, sometimes endless work of mothering.

Maybe the cathedral being built here is really me. Isn't that a nice thought?