Mothering is hard.

I don't feel particularly inspired today. I was worn down by the end. Inside my brain was getting dark and scary. I had the sinking feeling that I'm doing this all wrong.

The thing about mothering is that I have always felt it was a calling for me. From the day I laid eyes on my oldest, I knew what I was made for.

Sometimes, I forget, though. Every day we get up, we eat, there is a lot of crying, a lot of sibling arguing, a lot of struggle, there is some reading and school work, more eating, more school, we clean some things, we get outside, eat some more, clean some more, we go to bed. Motherhood is kind of, well... monotonous. A lot of the time. Sometimes there is less crying and arguing. Sometimes we go places.

I don't mean that to sound bad. There is a lot of beauty in the ordinary and everyday. But it is sometimes hard to see it through all the diapers and food crumbs.

Little hands that still want to hold mine help.

Sought Out

Earlier today as I was reading the daily office in the car, a particular verse stood out to me:

"And they shall call them, The holy people, The redeemed of the Lord: and thou shalt be called, Sought out, A city not forsaken." - Isaiah 62:12

Sought out! My heart sung for a moment when I saw those words. Sought out! How lovely to think that I am sought out. I've never read all of Isaiah and I am still new to studying the Bible, but I knew that God was talking to me in that moment, that he was telling me I am, I am sought out. He sought me until I sought Him.

So, I had to laugh a little in delight just now when I was reading the lectionary for today, and Paul said to the Galations:

"And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying Abba, Father.

Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son: and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ." - Galations 4:6,7

On my own, I may never have tried to seek God for myself. But because he sought me, and because he sent his son, and because he sent his holy spirit into my heart to cry out for my Father, I did. I cried out and he answered.

I could have written about all sorts of things today. When I decided that I was going to start writing again, I did something I have never done before: before I typed a single letter, I prayed. And I prayed the next night before I sat down to write, and tonight. And these are the words that came out. I didn't feel compelled to write about the New Year, or all the screaming that went on in the house today, or that my 10 year old dropped the F-bomb in a fit of anger towards me right before he went to bed.

I wanted to write about this. I found I couldn't wait to share my excitement over these two simple words. God has been opening my eyes all week to see the me that he says I am. This one, so far, is my favorite.

I am Sought Out.